The Most Gratuitous Olympics, Featuring Ryan Lochte!

Oh Beijing! How I will miss thee! From swimming to diving to swimming to rowing to swimming to sailing to swimming to volleyball to swimming, there was certainly no shortage of gratuitous displays of male...perfection. And Ryan Lochte, pictured above after winning a gold medal, is arguably the most attractive, gold medals aside. (If you do wish to argue on this subject, I would thoroughly enjoy that, as long as you include extensive pictorial evidence.) Oh, those wet, hot, American swimmers. London feels so far away!

Three Hot Swimmers

This is the American 4x200 free relay team. Ungodly hot, right? Ricky Berens, Ryan Lochte, and Michael Phelps make the day so much easier to get through. But being the 4x200 relay team, you'd be inclined to think, wait, where's the fourth team member? Well, he was conveniently cut out of a lot of the coverage, both in photos and on NBC. See, while these three exemplify every perfect thing about watching the Olympics, the fourth resembled a mere mortal. I don't even know his name, and I'm not about to Google it anytime soon. I just don't care. But, I do thank nymag.com for their excellent coverage about all the really important parts of the games. And isn't that what this is all really about?

Wet Hot American Swimming - Phelps + Lochte

Okay, so Ryan Lochte wasn't actually a part of the winning men's 4x100m freestyle relay team that beat the French, but he's really just so smoldering that I had to post this. Michael Phelps, on the other hand, not only led off the winning team, but he somehow gets even more attractive than he already was with each gold medal he wins. Is that so wrong?

Watch the Olympics!

Why? Because magically, Michael Phelps morphed into some absurdly attractive beast in the water. Him and Ryan Lochte make the Olympics so much better.