U.S. Open!

At Wimbledon, hair a little too long.

At the U.S. Open, hair looking better, but still in need of a chop.

Are you watching the U.S. Open? You should! It's a sizzler out there! On the women's side, the bottom half of the bracket was supposed to be an easy-as-pie, straight-shot to the finals for no. 2 seed (and defending champion) Maria Sharapova. Unfortunately, she lost to 18 Polish upstart Agnieszka Radwanska in the third round. Radwanska subsequently lost to another Russian blonde, Anna Chakvetadze, who's next up in the quarterfinals against Israel's Shahar Peer. Also still in on the bottom half is former champ Svetlana Kuznetsova, also from Russia, who has a match against unseeded Agnes Szavay from Hungary. No. 1 seed Justine Henin zipped past Serena Williams, and she now waits for the winner of the Venus Williams-Jelena Jankovic match to see who she has to beat to get to the finals. My vote is on Venus to face Henin in the semis, as she's playing the best tennis of her life right now, but if Henin pulls off a real stunning game, she could get past Venus and into the finals. Either Henin or Venus is going to win it all, I'm quite sure of it.

On the men's half, there's the same old story. Impeccable Federer plays Roddick next, Novak Djokovic is still the rising star, and all that jazz. The real news is that Federer actually lost a set to Felicano Lopez. Oh, Feliciano! He'd be the most gorgeous tennis player, if only he'd get his hair cut right. All the other attractive players have left Flushing Meadows (namely, Lopez and Richard Gasquet), but it's still worth watching to see Federer pound the marginally attractive Andy Roddick. And Djokovic is fun to watch. And not just because he always takes his shirt off when he wins. But because he also needs a haircut. He looks like a feather duster. So much potential!

And, oh yeah, Rafael Nadal lost! Oh my god!