Sunday, May 20, 2007

Absurdly Effective Sales Tactics

Some recent research conducted on the subject of absurdly effective sales tactics has brought to light the following strategies:

1) Impair good judgment with sensual excess. Champagne, eerily perfect strawberries, and deliriously expensive chocolates should do the trick. Hiring attractive models who compliment every item one tries on can also be very effective. Pure evil!

2) Impair good judgment with aggressive flirtation. Please note that flirtation is only effective when the proprietor is ungodly handsome, possibly bearing a striking resemblance to Hayden Christensen or some other pretty young thing. Pure evil!

3) Impair good judgment with dazzling pretension. Who doesn't want to be part of the club? Those who are just on the border of being able to afford the lifestyle are the most eager of them all. Make the customer feel like they are earning the right to be a customer. Pure evil!

4) Impair good judgment with unexpected honesty and a comforting frankness towards the customer's appearance. It's surprising when a sales associate is honest with the customer. If the customer looks horrific in their jeans, compliment their stunning jacket and then suggest jeans that would better suit the look. Actually not that evil at all! Yay!

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